Thursday, April 26, 2012

Silence… Very Simon and Garfunkel

Do you have trouble listening to silence?
I didn’t used to. It was my favorite part of day; Getting by myself, either right before bed, or in the evening, after all the major events of the day. It was when I let my brain analyze, defragment and collate all the input it’d received.
I could just… shut down basically, and let my brain unravel everything out.

Over the last few years, I’ve gotten less and less time to myself, where I could just unwind and let go of the frustrations. I don’t know if it’s just part of ‘growing up,’ or just the social set I’ve been introduced to. Either way, the result is that my brain has felt caught in a recurrent loop, having so many thoughts to process that my mind cannot settle on any one for more than a few seconds. I did what I could to get time by myself, but it was never quite enough to completely reboot. So I ended up just feeling run down, like I was eking out the last dregs of energy in a battery.

Anyways, this week I’ve been afforded three whole days to myself- My roomie had places to be, so I literally have an entire domicile all alone (Domicile; cool word, right?). And I found- I have forgotten how to listen to the silence. I’ve been pent up so long that my brain very nearly forgot how to reboot, defragment. I kept wanting to distract myself, not sit down and focus. It’s been a frustrating and enlightening week.

I’m getting a bit better. Maybe if I had a whole month by my Onesy, I’d fully remember how to unwind, and I’d be mostly back to my old self… I miss my old self.

But, it is what it is. Perhaps I’ll be able to steal a few moments here and there and find a way through anyways.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Attack of the Bleeding Hearts!

Why do people insist on making things bigger then they are? What exactly is the draw? I mean, I admit; I have on occasion over dramatized events in order to be funny, to be sarcastic or silly. But, as a rule, I see no point in being melodramatic about life events. the drama does not help the situation, most often it makes things worse for everyone involved.

You crash your car; “Oh my God! Are you dying?? Are they taking you to the hospital? How could this have happened to you?! You’re going to be traumatized!”
The Doctor tells you that you have a growth; “They’re going to cut you open! they’ll rip it out of you and you’ll have to be on medication for the rest of your life!
Your kid has to go stay in the hospital for a few days, because the doctors are concerned; “Are they blaming you? They’re going to take your child away! They’re going to hook him on all these tubes and machines and you wont get to be near him! Oh the humanity!!”
a super hot guy hold the door for you and smiles: “OHMYGAWD! He’s Sooo totally your soul-mate, he’s a major hunk and he SMILED at you! That MUST mean he’s into you and like, once he asks you out, you’ll be like, inseparable for life!”

Whom does this help? If I was dying, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. It happened to me because- let’s face it, shit happens. Life sucks that way sometimes. And Attraction does not, in itself, make a relationship. Making a big deal about things like polite flirtation and friendliness only serves to muck up a part of life that is already murky!
Telling me all the things that MIGHT happen won’t help me understand what’s going on, especially if you don’t know anymore than I’ve told you. Extrapolating about the repercussions and follow-up only serves to freak out the individuals who have to deal with it, and make their lives that much harder.
And sure; it will stick in my head and will shape my life, and it may make me afraid to do things, either long or short term. But the key to living a full life isn’t what happens to you, it’s what you do with the events when they do arrive.

So next time someone tells you about something that has happened, take a deep breath, listen, and stick with the facts. They’re already worried about all the possibilities. All they need from you is to know that you’ll be there when they need you.