Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Who broke the plate?

May I ask a question? Where the heck is accountability? Anyone? Lets back up another step; Who actually knows what accountability is? No takers? It has to do with knowing when you do things, and accepting the consequences.

Exhibit A: Tommy Gets mad and throws jennys favorite toy on the sidewalk. Accountability would be, “Yes I did throw her toy. I was mad, so I threw it. I did it” and eventually, much to mom and dads relief it would be “I’m sorry, I did throw the toy when I was mad and I shouldn’t have.” but that’s getting more into contrition. we wont talk about that word.

But anyways, that’s not what you hear. instead tommy either flat out says, “No I didn’t!” or “It’s her fault! She MADE me mad, and That MADE me throw her toy. It wasn’t my fault.” No accepting his own choices, why would we want to do that?

Fast forward about ten years, Tommy breaks Jenny’s heart by cheating on her. Is it, “I screwed up, Jenny. I gave in to temptation instead of walking away.”? Or is it, “She was hanging all over me! I couldn’t tell her no, I couldn’t help it! Maybe I’m just not into you anymore. If you were prettier/more understanding this never would have happened anyways.”

Or how about seven years later, when he becomes a drunk jerk. “Look, it’s not my fault. My dad was a drunk too. It’s in my blood, I can't help it.”

All the excuses people use in order to not accept responsibility. “I was drunk, I couldn’t think straight.” “Oh, but HE made me mad.” “I’m just having a hard time right now, that’s why I did that.” “I was raised to treat women/men/children that way.” Too rich, too poor, too lonely, too angry, too drunk- These things do not change the fact that You did it. YOU did it.

 You chose to drink the alcohol. you chose to give in to the temptation. You chose to not control yourself.

Alcohol impairs judgment, but it doesn’t make your decisions. you do. You can stop drinking, you can say no.

Genetics and heritage can make you more susceptible to certain temptations, but ultimately, you’re the one who gives in or seeks help. If you know that it’s a problem, then avoid it.

Temptations are hellacious to turn down, but it can be done. Ultimately, You are the one who has to say yes or no.

And when you decide to give in, own it. If you screw up, you screw up. But don’t try to explain it away as a fluke, something beyond your control. Start with simply saying, “Yes, I did.”

Saturday, February 19, 2011

“It’s because it’s Christmas.”

Why do people insist on using situation to excuse behavior? The coworker who treats you like the dirty gum stuck to her shoe suddenly acts uncharacteristically sweet and thoughtful. ‘Why??’ you ask your friends. “Oh, it’s Christmas. Everyone’s nice at Christmas.” Now, I realize it’s sort of silly to complain about someone being nice, but honestly?? Season shouldn’t have that much bearing on how you treat others. That’s like excusing a girl acting like a witch because she’s PMSing. Hormones/bad mood is not an excuse to treat people like trash. Yes, you may feel like crap, but that’s your problem. you don’t have the right to take it out on everyone around you.

And that should work in both directions. If you detest someone so badly that you feel the need to treat them like scum, don’t spin around one day and sugarcoat them just cuz the there are twinkly lights around the windows. Kindness comes from the heart. And if it doesn’t, then it’s not truly kindness. It’s an obligation to whatever stigma is currently in the air. You show no kindness in pretending to get along for a day then returning to the way things were before, It’s stupid.

Be nice to me when you like me. Leave me alone when you don’t: though you could at least try be polite when you’re forced to endure my company. Just cuz you hate my guts, it doesn’t mean we cant at least passively work  together.;-p

Friday, February 18, 2011

A Short Farewell

Ok, when was it that ‘Goodbyes’ became such a long, drawn out process? I mean, you’re on the phone- or the internet, or in person, whatever- and its time to go, so you say (go figure), “Ok, well, I have to go. Bye!” and you’d think it would follow that the responder(respondent?) would say, “alright, bye!” and that would be that. Right? Noooope, instead you have at least a paragraphs worth of dialogue, all trying to fit into about a 2 minute interval, each of you trying to squeeze in those last best wishes that are so habitual to us. The result is something to the tune of:

 

Well-wisher#1: Ok, well I hope that helps-

well-wisher#2: Ohh yes, you’ve been a total angel! thank you soo much for everything-

W.W.#1: Oh, you’re welcome, not at al-

W.W.#2: ok, well thanks again, you-

together: have a good day!

(awkward giggle)

W.W.#2: Alright then, bye!

W.W#1: Ok, good- (line goes dead) umm… goodbye?

 

See what I mean? each is trying soo hard to be inoffensive and kind that they end up talking over each other, trying to make sure they get the last farewell in. If one was into psycho-analysis (yes, I’m afraid I am that nerdy), one could use this to fuel arguments about human nature. We’re endlessly goodhearted (hmmm), we have separation issues, we’re systematically and compulsively competitive, we’re threatened by the finality of a goodbye… yeah, something like that.

Personally, I think we’re all just so socially awkward that we overcompensate by throwing as many words out there as possible, hoping a few will hit the right tone. That, or literacy and articulation has fallen so far, we can’t say what we really mean anymore. *shrug* but that’s just a theory.

 

Just some thoughts from the Bat-cave. ;-)