It's sort of funny, how much a little betrayal can change your heart. It sneaks up on you how badly damaged your trust gets. You don't even realize half the time, when you start expecting the worst, second guessing every word, every thought projected your way.
I mean, we're all doubters anyways; We all expect disappointments in life. But I don't think I always expected this much disappointment from people.
I can remember being able to take people for their worth. I remember the benefit of trust. But it's hard to hold onto that trust anymore. Trust in people, trust in myself... Trust that Yahweh will hold me 'til the end, and that even when I fall, that he still loves me.
I miss the security... That feeling of being held every moment, of being protected. So that no matter what gets thrown at you- or even, what gets ripped away, you know you'll be ok. You know that you'll recover, that you'll stand up tall in the end. I'm not feeling as tall as I used to...